Last week - pulling out of Lake Tobias (a wildlife preserve I took my kids to go see), I made a wrong turn. Before I realized I went the wrong way, I knew why. A billboard that read HOSPICE appeared from behind the trees almost as if it were moving towards me.
Today I solidified that Hospice is where my nursing career and all of my spiritual work as of late has been leading me.
Yesterday - while trying to get to the tattoo shop and Aldi - I made a wrong turn and ended up in my Gramma's neighborhood. I sat in front of her house for a few minutes and looked at the tree where she had hung the white windchimes I gave her. Later - after she passed - I hung those same windchimes on my back deck and asked her to save my unborn child. I was about 16 weeks pregnant with him and had just started to bleed. She did, and my son is here. She came to me in a dream in my hospital bed about a week before he was born and spoke the name Rowan in my ear. That's what we named him. It means "little red-headed one," and he was born with flaming bright red hair. The Rowan tree is also a tree of protection, and the tree from which the first woman was created in Norse mythology. The Rowan tree/woman saved the life of Thor as he was being swept away by a river. She bent over the river and caught him as he was floating by. She helped him back to the shore.
My grandmother had red hair, and has been known to make trees fall. Jus' sayin.
After I came back from all that reminiscing, I sat there in my car, got out my phone, went on Facebook Live, and told my friends/support group of amazing people (!!!) about the two problems I was having with an assignment I was supposed to do. I told them about it in the presence of my grandmother.
I didn't know it at the time, but I was asking.
By the end of the night, both problems were solved with no effort from myself.
I was asking, and I received.
Next time I make a wrong turn, I will know there is a reason why.
stream of consciousness - feelings I've gotten recently
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tingling in the third eye that - after my Reiki attunement - became even more intense and very pleasurable
occasional tingling of my crown, heart, solar plexus, sacral, and root chakra
tingling in my hands
feeling lighter
the feeling that I am no longer breathing in and walking through thin air, but rather breathing in and walking through a substance thicker than water. it is viscous, but not suffocating. rather, I get the feeling that I'm being supported.
likewise, when I speak, the words move out into this substance and therefore feel more powerful and likely to affect change
a little overwhelmed as I move from a place where very few things mattered, to a place where EVERYTHING that comes into my consciousness is of significance. every facebook post I see, everything every person says to me, every way the leaves on the trees bend, every bird, bat, and bug that appears in my brain. they are all telling me a story about how loved I am. at first, it made me feel like I was going insane, but now I know that it is the exact opposite. this is reverse paranoia. there is a great, amazing, HUGE force working in my favor. I have seen signs of this again and again and again. there is no doubt in my mind that this is true.
the feeling as if - when I'm breathing in and out - it's not only my mouth/lungs that the air is moving through, but also my third eye and occasionally my temples. it works kind of the way that gills do on a fish.
when I look someone in the eyes, I can actually physically FEEL them on my eyeballs.
when my third eye starts to feel strongly, it can almost be dizzying, but not in a bad way.
tingling in my heart chakra that almost makes me feel like I'm about to puke - but not in a bad way.
for the first few days after my Reiki attunement, my entire body and senses felt like a big raw nerve ending. this was pleasurable at times, but at other times it reached a point of agitation
realizing that I have a fear of intimacy
realizing that I have a fear of people - especially men - who I perceive to be in authority over me
the ability to breathe through my anxiety
the ability to feel calm and at ease in the presence of others
also - instead of sitting my kids in front of the TV while I go "get some stuff done," I'm doing more just sitting and hanging with them as they watch TV, play, or whatever. I'm not always bothered by the things that need to be done all the time.
I have not been quilting or creating anything at all. I have just been focusing on myself, with the faith that I will do what I'm meant to do when the time comes.
the general sense that it feels good to be alive
and the music. the music deserves another blog post. but it is just so completely amazing when I hear harmony. I picked up the fiddle for the first time in years, and I could actually FEEL it on my eardrums. here's a song that really gets me:
there are many many more, and I'll add them as they come to me
